The Sounds of Silence...

I awoke to something unusual...I wasn't sure what the sound was. It was something I had heard before but it had been quite a while. As I opened my eyes and they adjusted to the light I could see the silhouette of Lance sitting in a small English style chair beside my bed. He was doing his devotions and the only light coming in the room was a small amount of "fresh morning" peeling it's way back through the green and yellow striped curtains. I was in a hotel room. The sound I was hearing was silence. Quiet. I had awoken from deep, uninterrupted sleep to the pureness of quiet. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Lance looked towards me. He must have seen the disheveled look on my face. "How are you feeling?" he asked. I didn't respond. Just smiled at him. The truth of the matter was that I felt like a used up piece of gum that had lost its flavor. I was exhausted and sick. Cough, congestion, fever. I felt like my eyes weighed one hundred pounds. I needed oil in my lamp. I have come to discover that when your "the mom" it is not conducive for you to "get sick". It doesn't even do you any good to complain about it. Your empire must keep operating. 

We had had these plans for a romantic Valentines Day night away for months and then 1 week prior to our date...Jack gets a cough...then a fever...then a really bad cough...and all he wants to do is hug and kiss and cough on mommy. God love Him. I sure do. But I was not in the mood for germs. I put on my best Mr. Clean and treated the house with every disinfectant known to man. Lysol was sprayed on every hard surface. Humidifers were in everyone's bedrooms. Vitamin C was being taken with every meal. I was praying over myself so I might not get contaminated by the "bug". But 4 days before our first overnight stay since Kempis (7 months) was born-I felt the swords of the evil germs begin to attack my throat and come on with full force.  Despite my best efforts...I was getting sick. It was my turn. Despite the fact that I could have rescheduled our little over night stay...I refused. It is impossible to get away for an over night trip with your husband when you have 2 little humans and one still nursing. I would go even if my humidifer came with me. 

I could not get over the quiet of the morning...as I put in my contacts...brushed my teeth...put on some chap stick...I had accomplished three small tasks in 3 minutes or less. There was no screaming. There was no one bossing me around. No one demanding breakfast and then screaming that he didn't want what I so kindly prepared. No one telling me that he did not want daddy to wipe up his poopy...that was a job he specifically appointed mommy to do. There was no one yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mommy. YOU DON'T DO THAT. YOU COME HERE NOW MOMMY. I WANT TO WATCH A VEGGIE TALE MOMMY. I NEED MILK MOMMY. I MEAN, I NEED JUICE MOMMY. I DON'T WANT TO GET DRESSED MOMMY. I DON'T WANT THAT MOMMY. I DON'T WANT THAT. NO-I DON'T WANT YOGURT MOMMY. I WANT OATMEAL. NO I DON'T WANT OATMEAL. NOT THIS KIND OF OATMEAL MOMMY. NO DON'T PUT THE RAISINS IN THE OATMEAL MOMMY. I WANT THEM ON THE NAPKIN BESIDE THE OATMEAL. ARE YOU DRINKING COFFEE MOMMY? IS IT HOT? DO YOU LIKE IT? CAN I HAVE SOME? WHAT ARE YOU EATING MOMMY? A BISCOTTI? WHAT IS THAT, IS THAT A COOKIE MOMMY? CAN I HAVE SOME? I KNOW! CAN I HAVE A COOKIE MOMMY? LET'S HAVE COOKIES TOGETHER. CAN YOU PUT SOME OF YOUR COFFEE IN MY CUP MOMMY? ARE YOU SICK MOMMY? DOES YOUR TUMMY HURT? DO YOU NEED TO POOPY MOMMY? LET'S GO SOMEWHERE MOMMY. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE TODAY. WHERE ARE WE GOING TODAY MOMMY? LET'S WATCH A VEGGIE TALE. I DON'T WANT TO READ A BOOK. I WANT TO PLAY WITH PLAYDOH MOMMY. NO, I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE MOMMY. I WILL PUT MY COAT ON IF IT'S COLD MOMMY. I CAN'T GO OUTSIDE?! BUT I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE. I'LL GO FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT, OK MOMMY? MAYBE? FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT. CAN I HAVE A POPSICLE MOMMY? NOOOO? WHY??? IT'S TOO EARLY? WHEN CAN I HAVE A POPSICLE MOMMY? HOW ABOUT NOW MOMMY? A POPSICLE NOW? DADDY CAN HAVE ONE TOO. I WILL PICK ONE OUT FOR DADDY AND ONE FOR KEMPIS AND ONE FOR ME. OK? OK MOMMY. DADDY AND KEMPIS ARE HUNGRY FOR POPSICLES FOR BREAKFAST. OK. GET THEM OUT OF THE FRIGERATOR MOMMY AND I WILL TAKE IT TO THEM. 

MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING MOMMY?!!!!!!!!!

no. this morning was quite different. I have to admit it was relaxing. i was able to hear myself think and we walked to breakfast on the plaza and i actually finished my coffee without microwaving it 12 times. This morning I held my husbands hand while crossing the street and felt the crisp morning air kiss my nose and eyelashes. This morning I remembered what it felt like to be a lady...to wear my sassy shoes with little belts across the toes and a tiny heel. I winked at my husband from across the breakfast table and I remembered how much I adore him and enjoy his company. His voice. His eyes. I loved him.  I loved every morsel of who he was. Three years ago...before kids...I definitely did not appreciate mornings like this one. We use to travel all the time. But I have gained a new appreciation for him.  A new appreciation for "us". Our growing family....But despite being sick and exhausted...by noon i was ready for my glorious chaotic noise to return.  His little 2 year old smile was all I needed to see.